Musebox

[heartismyown]

 I need to practice with Roxas! Please drop me a line.


Roxas finished smashing the computer, the one that ruined his life. He swung around angrily and stalked off into an unknown room where he found Sora, fast asleep.

DiZ appeared before him. His eyes narrowed, his hand clenched tightly around the keyblade as he swung it back and forth wildly, attempting to attack him. He was familiar. He was the one who did this to him. It was all about that Sora!

"My heart is my own!" Roxas cried, spinning around. Everything has gone white.

When Roxas awakened, he found himself face to face with....

Comments

[by_heart]

That's not...

[Lea just lets go. If that's what he wants, then...]

Is that why? I mean, I know you haven't grown up normally and you're still trying to piece things together, but...

[He shifts uncomfortably, looking over at the hand Roxas apparently doesn't want on him.]

Maybe you're just not...

[He winces and doesn't finish the sentence.]

[heartismyown]

[He's looking at the ground, it's very interesting at the moment.]

Not what, Lea?

[by_heart]

[It's a good thing Roxas isn't looking at him because he wouldn't be able to grit this one out otherwise.]

Attracted to me, I guess.

[Because he feels like an ass for even saying it.]

[heartismyown]

[He should feel like an ass, that was a pretty low blow. Roxas stood up. Wasn't he there? Didn't he see that he was?

There isn't much that makes Roxas cry, because like the rest of him, his mind has help stunt his emotions, but this is one of those things. He brings his hand up to his cheek to wipe the moisture off of it. His voice is soft, but unsteady.]

Maybe I can't be what you want. I'm not really good enough. I know...I know that. I've never lied to you, Lea.

[He walks out of the room.]

[by_heart]

Roxas, hey!

[Lea launches himself off the bed. Him and his big mouth, always saying stupid crap like that. This is why he's held back so much, because every time he pushes a little farther, he screws everything up again.

Catching up with Roxas is no problem, it's trying to figure out how to keep him there that Lea isn't sure of. If he grabs him, he's just going to get angry and push him away, he knows that, so instead he just stands awkwardly within arm's reach and stares fixedly at the floor. He can't bear to look at Roxas when he's crying.]

I told you already, didn't I? That you're too good for me? You know what a mess I am and you don't care and that's all I need from you. Dammit, this is why I never wanted us to do this. You being my best friend is more important than any of that.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas presses his palms to his eyes and sniffles a bit. Why it hurts so much, he doesn't really understand.]

But I'm not. I'm not doing anything right! The longer I'm around, the more I'm realizing how stupid I am. And I can't...I don't know what I'm doing and it's making you upset. If I could just get better somehow then it would work!

[by_heart]

[Lea pulls him close and holds him tightly to his chest, stroking his hair gently. If Roxas wants to push him away, he can go ahead.]

First of all, me getting my ego bruised a bit isn't the end of the world. A couple of awkward handjobs aren't the end of the end of the world. You're not broken, okay? You're not, so stop saying that.

[heartismyown]

[He shakes his head a little, putting his arms around him. He's upset with Lea, but that doesn't mean he wants to push him away so much.]

I'm never doing what you need me to Lea. I'm always disappointing you. I'm trying to get better, I really am.

[by_heart]

What?

[It always rattles him a little when Roxas says something like that. Is that really the impression he gives him? He's apparently a bigger asshole than even he knows. Of course, then there's the other side of the problem...]

You need to stop looking at me for approval for every little thing, Roxas. Sometimes you just have to say "Fine, whatever, who cares what Lea thinks? He's a jerk anyway." I might get mad about it for a while, but that's okay. I get mad at lots of stuff. Have a little more faith in me, okay? I'm not gonna just decide I'm done with you because you forget to take the trash out or you screw up your homework assignments. You mean too much to me.

[heartismyown]

[He sighs and just hides his face against Lea's chest.]

You mean the most to me Lea. It's...it sucks when I do something that disappoints you or upsets you. I can't even think things right. You're not really a jerk. Not usually anyway. I just don't want you to get mad at me. I don't like fighting with you.

I love you. I told you that.

[by_heart]

I love you too, stupid. I don't like it when you get mad or upset, either, but it happens.

[Lea sighs and shakes his head.]

This is why I keep pushing you to go out and do things and meet people. It's like you think you're the only one these things happen to. So what if you got a different start than everyone else? You're pretty normal otherwise.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas rewards him with a swat on the arm.]

You think so Lea? Then...then why did you say that?

[by_heart]

Say what?

[He's said a lot of things in the past few minutes.]

[heartismyown]

That you wanted me to think about this more. Why is it upsetting you?

[by_heart]

[Oh. That. The part he knows he can't explain in any sort of detail without making the kid even more upset. Might as well go for the most superficial part.]

It's great that you want to be with me because you love me and all, but...I don't know...I mean, not everyone digs the whole scarecrow look, but...

[He shrugs. He probably looks pretty pathetic right now. He feels pathetic.]

[heartismyown]

I like how you look.

[His tone basically says 'what, are you stupid?']

[by_heart]

You had all this laid out for you and I could barely get you to touch me!

[No, you're stupid, stupid.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas ruffles his own hair as he thinks, sighing a little.]

It's not because of that. It's 'cause...well..I don't know. You said it wasn't all that good and I have to figure it out first. I will figure it out Lea. I promise.

[by_heart]

[Lea rubs at his temples. This kid...]

Right, right. You go read your book and make a list or something.

[Of course, when he was that age, he wasn't reading boring "guides to dating and sex." Where had Riku even picked up that thing? Don't kids look at porn anymore?]

[heartismyown]

[For some reason, Riku might have the impression that Lea would have freaked out if he sent porn home with Roxas.]

I don't think I should read anymore today. I don't feel that well.

[by_heart]

[He would have, but he wouldn't have taken it from him. Borrowed it from him, maybe...]

Yeah, you said your homework was getting to you. I'll read you a chapter.

[It's like things aren't already as awkward as they can get.]

[heartismyown]

Yeah, okay.

[Roxas tugs on the front of his shirt and walks them back to his room.]

[by_heart]

Wow, geez, don't get too excited.

[Lea flops down on the bed and holds his hand out for the book.]

Pick a chapter.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas fetches the book and puts it in his hand, shrugging a little.]

You can pick.

[He settles in next to Lea.]

[by_heart]

Oh no you don't. You flip through there and pick something.

[Roxas is going to have to start thinking about these things on his own and now's a good time to start.]