Musebox

[heartismyown]

 I need to practice with Roxas! Please drop me a line.


Roxas finished smashing the computer, the one that ruined his life. He swung around angrily and stalked off into an unknown room where he found Sora, fast asleep.

DiZ appeared before him. His eyes narrowed, his hand clenched tightly around the keyblade as he swung it back and forth wildly, attempting to attack him. He was familiar. He was the one who did this to him. It was all about that Sora!

"My heart is my own!" Roxas cried, spinning around. Everything has gone white.

When Roxas awakened, he found himself face to face with....

Comments

[heartismyown]

[Roxas stays in his room for awhile, until he finally has to give in and use the restroom. He's not sure if Lea's around or what, and when he's finished with that he pads around the house, looking to see if he's there.

He's not sure if he knows what to say but he wants to be friends and friends have to talk.]

[by_heart]

[Lea has since moved from the table to the couch. If he's going to feel sorry for himself, he might as well be a little more comfortable. He still needs to get dinner at some point, but he's not really up for eating my himself right now.]

[heartismyown]

[It isn't unusual to find Lea on the couch, so Roxas isn't surprised.

He goes over and sits on the edge, instead of on top of Lea. He nudges him lightly.]

I'm sorry I kissed you and I'm sorry I was bad at it. I feel bad. I guess...I think, I wanted you to like it, but instead I made things really bad.

I thought I wanted to do that again, but not when I saw how upset you got from it.

I know I made you do it and I'm just...sorry.

[Roxas puts a hand on his chest. It still hurts, and somehow he thinks these words aren't the right ones.]

[by_heart]

[Lea shakes his head vehemently, but doesn't meet Roxas' eyes.]

Stop that. None of this is your fault. I'm not angry at you or disappointed in you or anything, so don't be so down on yourself.

[He's the one who should be (and is) feeling that way.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas shakes his head.]

It hurts. I don't know why it hurts.

[by_heart]

I don't know, either. I wish I did.

[He risks a glance at him and it just confirms that he looks every bit as miserable as he sounds. Good job, Lea. You're the best best friend ever.]

I don't...really have everything figured out, either, you know. I make mistakes sometimes. Stupid ones.

[heartismyown]

Why is it a mistake? I liked it...

[He slumps back, draping across Lea.]

[by_heart]

[Lea slings an arm over him without even thinking about it.]

Yeah, I know. [That's part of the problem.] I give you this big lecture about why you shouldn't kiss anyone and then I go and kiss you anyway.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas pouts at him a little bit and pat his arm.]

Well, I wanted to kiss you.

[Maybe that's the problem.]

[by_heart]

I know. That's what started this whole mess. You've done it now, though, so just save the next one for the right person.

[heartismyown]

Yeah, but I want to kiss you anyway!

[by_heart]

Roxas.

[He tries his best to sound stern. He's lost count of how many times he's repeated this and it still isn't sinking in. This isn't memory issues, this is just pure stubbornness.]

Why don't you ever listen?

[heartismyown]

Well it's not like you're listening to me!

[He scratches his head and sighs. It's hard for him to come up with these words.]

I don't know if I love you because I don't...I don't know. I don't know what that is like. I can't say. Doesn't mean I don't want to kiss you. That was nice.

[by_heart]

It was nice, but...

[He sighs and shakes his head.]

We can't just keep doing it if you don't understand how you feel.

[heartismyown]

Why not? How else am I supposed to figure it out?

[Oh yeah, Roxas can be stubborn.]

[by_heart]

What? So I'm supposed to keep kissing you until you fall in love with me? What kind of books have you been reading?

[heartismyown]

I didn't read any and that's not what I mean. Never mind. Forget it all. Maybe I can forget this.

[by_heart]

Nah, tell me what you mean. Your turn to answer my questions.

[Really, he needs to figure out what's going on in Roxas' head.]

[heartismyown]

I don't know what I mean. I don't know how to say it. It's really annoying.

[by_heart]

So start talking and you'll get there eventually. I'm used to listening to you go on and on about stuff.

[It's not like he's any better at putting this sort of thing into words. At least Roxas is a bit more open about things.]

[heartismyown]

I don't know.

[Roxas pouts a little, trying to relax. Okay, what is going through his head?]

I feel bad that you didn't like it because I wanted you to. Because....I guess because I like it. I can't really think of anyone else I'd rather kiss then you. It's nice. And I want to be with you forever and when I can't say things, it's really annoying for me. I don't...I don't know enough for you. I can't think sometimes, when my emotions are all charged up.

[He fiddles with the hem of his shirt.]

If you don't like me or can't put up with me, no one else would. I mean, my head's all knotted up. I know it's all broken up there. Sora's better than me.

[by_heart]

That's not true. You have a lot of friends who look out for you now. You have Sora and Riku and Kairi...all of them care about you. It doesn't matter to any of us that you're a bit of a mess. We all have our issues, you know.

[He certainly has enough of his own.]

I just don't want you to think I'm all you have. It's not like that anymore.

[heartismyown]

I know, and I'm still here.

[by_heart]

[Lea wants to just shake him and tell him that he doesn't know, that he needs to actually think about it, but more than that, he just wants to accept those words at face value and keep Roxas here.]

Love...is kind of like that, I think. Wanting someone else to be happy even if you can't be...

[heartismyown]

I don't know what would make you happy.

[Roxas scratches his head.]